Techno-Irony

As I continue to micromanage my father’s life, I have anxiety attacks and second guess my every action. It’s part of the glory of being a long distance caretaker. Attempting to make things easier, I’m relying more on technology.

This week my brother and nephew came for their bi-annual visit to shuttle Dad to doctors, breweries and bacon suppliers. All the boys took a field trip to obtain a new amplified phone (free for the hearing impaired) which I set up. I plotted to get the required State of CA paperwork and convinced Dad that it was smart to try new equipment. He used to work for a telecommunications empire, but is resistant to a landline that has a speaker, big buttons, and doesn’t rattle like a tin can. Anyway, I attempted to find a rep so that I could review options at the San Diego distribution center; there are no descriptions on the website. All I could find was a person in Sacramento who they told me that local centers don’t have phone numbers as it’s drop-in with no appointments. They supply phones, but they don’t actually use them.

Next I tried to locate a tax form on Dad’s online brokerage account, amusingly for AT&T stock. It was daunting. I’ve never experienced a website so confusing with so many layers of security. After locking myself out and chatting with agents, I found one who believed I had legal access. As long as I answered a few arcane questions, I could download the form. Example: what was Sid’s first car model (luckily my brother found “Dodge Sedan” scribbled in his paper rolodex.)

Dad’s state-of-the-art Lively watch expertly monitors his doors, pill box and refrigerator however no longer displays the correct date. The company was acquired by another vendor in a hostile takeover, and they don’t have access to the master programming code because the old staff quit. The watch is stuck in 2015 until the new guys figure it out, although they’re happy to sell me other, more expensive products. No deal.

Today, Dad needs transportation to Costco to buy a spare pair of eyeglasses. He has been fantasizing about improved vision for a while, therefore it is urgent. My brainstorm: if I can’t book his facility’s shuttle at the last minute, he is going to experience travel by Uber. I can schedule the pickup remotely, pre-arrange assistance with his walker, and hope that he isn’t left at the hot dog counter. This will be interesting.