Multi-Tasking

Accomplished during my week visiting Dad:

• Spent 3.5 hours preparing Dad’s taxes with AARP volunteers, wearing them out.
• Negotiated with deli manager for a new supply of pickle brine after spillage incident.
• Replaced ruined pickles with organic sour dills from farmer’s market, assumed it’s healthier.
• Shopped for frozen TV dinners to replace ones ruined by 15-hour power outage.
• Met with facility director to discuss building safety issues.
• Submitted paperwork to request move to assisted living unit, including scary forms about death.
• Toured potential apartments late at night to make sure staff were happy about their jobs.
• Prepared physician assessment forms, including items illegal for me to complete.
• Purchased and assembled shower transfer bench to make bathing less risky.
• Obtained new hearing aids and eyeglasses from Costco, cost of $2000.
• Bought Costco hot dogs costing $1.50 each, such a deal.
• Took Dad to barber.
• Took Dad to doctor.
• Shared tacos, beer and ice cream with Dad, diet be damned.
• Shopped for new underwear so Dad doesn’t have to do as much laundry.
• Did Dad’s laundry – twice.
• Interviewed the entourage of nurses, physical & occupational therapists hovering over Dad.
• Researched home care agencies about private duty caretaker services.
• Conducted medication review with specialist, trying to match prescriptions to pill box mysteries.
• Had “the talk” with Dad about needing a higher level of care in the near future.
• Got heartbroken that he understands and agrees.
• Got lectured by 101-year old Ida about how men are useless.
• Drank wine with my lodging hosts.
• Visited the chicken farm family, took their chihuahuas for a lagoon walk.
• Met with bank manager to consolidate 14 stock funds purchased 30 years ago – referred to as “peanuts” by Dad, actually worth a ton of money.
• Delivered boxes of peanuts to the bank manager to make Dad laugh.
• Realized that the peanuts fund will be depleted by uninsured long term care and future rent.
• Went for a back country drive with Dad, not bothered that he slept through most of the scenery.
• Took a bike ride through nearby estates to appreciate the gardens.
• Felt humbled by the many caring providers and friends who watch over my father.

I think I need a patient advocate. Oh wait, I am one!

That's the Way It Is

Transcript from Dad’s voice mail today.

"I called to inform you of a minor tragedy. The black plastic cover did not exactly fit the plastic jar, and when I reached to remove the jar I was holding the plastic cover but it fell apart. I had pickles and pickle juice on the carpet. I tried rinsing the pickles but they lost the flavor. So that was the major part of our pickle juice, and we have to start all over again. Otherwise, things have been very quiet here. I’m using the vaporizer and I’m breathing much better but the loss of pickles and pickle juice is a major, major tragedy. Anyway, that’s the way it is."

Okay, now for my perspective. Sid spent the last few days in respiratory distress. A series of visiting nurses and dining room buddies called me constantly, all very worried. I remotely micromanaged the delivery and instruction of nebulizers and inhalers to avoid a hospital stay. Since his fingers are arthritic and many of his pills wind up on the floor, his hearing aid is useless and his glasses are the wrong prescription, it’s kind of challenging for him right now. I’m gearing up – again - for crisis, crippling falls or death. But from my father’s point of view, none of that is relevant. His pickle supply is messed up. I really need to realign my priorities! Somehow Dad keeps on going, sense of humor intact. It’s these moments that I treasure.