Holiday Spirit

I missed Thanksgiving at the retirement village; due to a desire for decent food, I stayed home. I’m also going to skip Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year’s Eve in San Diego because I go there every month and traveling near holidays is not fun. It’s fine; Dad has lots of special events and parties to attend (more than me). Instead, I’m spreading holiday cheer at non-standard times. At my latest visit I presented 99-year old Ida with a Hanukkah Stocking (it’s blue and says “oy oy oy” instead of “ho ho ho”); it was an instant hit. She carried it around for days to show her buddies. All the residents wanted one; alas it’s now out of stock. I enjoyed the Singing Grandpas barbershop quartet concert. I arranged a golf cart tour for Dad and Ida to view organic produce at the local biosponic sustainable ranch – 67 acres of land using ancient Jewish farming techniques. And no, they’re not dating, they’re just friends.

The strangest holiday gift for my father was his appointment with a dermatologist. This doctor, about 70 years old, grew up in Brooklyn, lived on Long Island, and was obnoxious/funny in a Henny Youngman kind of way. I wanted to give Dad some privacy so I waited outside the room and listened to their conversation. Did they discuss pre-cancerous skin lesions? No, topic number one was the doctor asking him why I was single. Dad reviewed: 1) how I was such a nice daughter; 2) my brief and toxic marriage to a Goy (non-Jew); 3) why anyone would want to live in a grey frozen outpost (Seattle); and 4) my uncanny ability to snag good airfares. He ended up describing me as an angel. Okay, fair enough. The doctor reviewed: 1) how he could make lots of money doing unnecessary surgeries; 2) his very young wife who would push him off a cliff when he got senile; and 3) the stupidity of non-New Yorkers. To hell with professional decorum and privacy! After a minute of zapping some sores, the door burst open, all was good, Medicare was charged and we were hustled out to the parking lot. Dad thoroughly enjoyed his exam. Oy!