Willie Wonka Wants the House

Hard to believe, but my parents’ house was grabbed within a week by a couple with cash, ready to close in 2 weeks. They are relatives of the neighbor across the street, and they’ve been strategizing how to create a family compound just like the Kennedys. I was a bit skeptical about legitimacy until I read the paperwork and Googled the guy. He has close to a million dollars in liquid assets, not counting his current home. He has an impressive career in medical device product design. Most fascinating, he is the founder and owner of a major regional chocolate empire.

My mother had an intense addiction to chocolate in all forms – I suspect she is thrilled post-mortem and probably had something to do with this development. My father isn’t much better – he squirrels away dark chocolate from many sources and distributes treats to his new friends (by the way, 70% of elderly people have diabetes, although this doesn’t seem to influence anyone’s behavior). And let’s face it - I’m worse than both of them on the chocoholic spectrum.

A cash offer in hand is very attractive, even though it is below the asking price, which was inflated, so in the end we will get the price we wanted all along (actually slightly more). Unless inspection surprises pop up, it appears to be a done deal. If Willie Wonka and wife back out, they forfeit their deposit which can fund lots of trips for me, and lots of candy bars for Dad.

Most people who buy homes on a half-acre lot do landscaping, or they might install a pool. I’m envisioning my folks’ back yard gulch filled with flowing chocolate fountains, powered by the irrigation system that Dad built. It’s broken right now, but it will rise again.