Doris Reger Vogel died on Friday August 23, one week before she turned 91. She declined rapidly over the last month and fell asleep in her recliner, and was then rushed to a hospital with my Dad who ultimately gave approval to let her pass. This post is about something else that happened over the last 3 days.
I was called the night before Mom died by my parents with a strange message. Doris had psychic ability all her life. She predicted where I left my lost items because she dreamed about the location, she forecast odd events, she was perceptive about people’s fates. Last Thursday she wanted to know if I remembered that she could always find my lost car keys, she was also very worried about the future. I was exhausted and had to get up at for an early flight for work, I didn’t want to get into another extended and frustrating conversation. I said “it will all be fine” - on second thought I requested Dad to tell her to dream about cats, the lost ones especially.
I didn’t fall asleep. I almost immediately realized Mom was giving me notice. I didn’t want to disturb her early Friday morning. Right after my meetings were over, I got a call from their neighbor about the ambulance. My father called to tell me she died as I boarded the plane back to Seattle and the doors were closing. I was upset, then relieved since she could finally stop struggling. I was mostly worried about my father. After 66 years of marriage it was going to be awfully quiet.
For years I’ve been trying to pare down Mom’s closets crammed full of clothing, shoes and purses from the past 6 decades. As a child of the depression, she could never part with anything. For years it was a battle of wills. I sneaked piles into rental car trunks and she usually busted me – sometimes she dreamed about where I took the stash. I arrived in town yesterday and with my father’s encouragement, proceeded to finally deal with the mess. No yelling, no negotiation, it was all quite efficient. I was feeling bad that I only remembered my mother as a hostile, cranky woman who created unnecessary drama and refused help.
After load one at Goodwill, I came back and stuffed the car full with load two. I went for the car keys, which had been jammed in my pocket, and – no keys. I lost them. I realized to my horror that the keys had probably somehow gotten entwined with the many piles and boxes. I emptied out everything, shook it out, draped wardrobe all over the driveway. No keys. I put it all back. I searched the house, the toilet, the garage. No keys.
Four hours later, was after the donation center was long closed, I realized what was going on. I sat down on her chair, then her bed. I’m not spiritual or religious, I don’t believe in ghosts. I didn’t get enveloped in any energy force. However I finally understood. It was Mom messing with me, having a last stand about her belongings. She wanted to teach me a lesson about honor and humility. I went back to the car and there, draped on one of hundreds of yarn hangers, were the keys. Now of course I could have missed them the first time, or the second time. I think not.
The gift I received was that I laughed, and remembered she was playful, somewhat vindictive, and always got the last word. You win this round, Mom. I expect a few more surprises before you completely settle down, and I’ll spread your ashes somewhere beautiful. But tomorrow your stuff goes to charity.
I was called the night before Mom died by my parents with a strange message. Doris had psychic ability all her life. She predicted where I left my lost items because she dreamed about the location, she forecast odd events, she was perceptive about people’s fates. Last Thursday she wanted to know if I remembered that she could always find my lost car keys, she was also very worried about the future. I was exhausted and had to get up at for an early flight for work, I didn’t want to get into another extended and frustrating conversation. I said “it will all be fine” - on second thought I requested Dad to tell her to dream about cats, the lost ones especially.
I didn’t fall asleep. I almost immediately realized Mom was giving me notice. I didn’t want to disturb her early Friday morning. Right after my meetings were over, I got a call from their neighbor about the ambulance. My father called to tell me she died as I boarded the plane back to Seattle and the doors were closing. I was upset, then relieved since she could finally stop struggling. I was mostly worried about my father. After 66 years of marriage it was going to be awfully quiet.
For years I’ve been trying to pare down Mom’s closets crammed full of clothing, shoes and purses from the past 6 decades. As a child of the depression, she could never part with anything. For years it was a battle of wills. I sneaked piles into rental car trunks and she usually busted me – sometimes she dreamed about where I took the stash. I arrived in town yesterday and with my father’s encouragement, proceeded to finally deal with the mess. No yelling, no negotiation, it was all quite efficient. I was feeling bad that I only remembered my mother as a hostile, cranky woman who created unnecessary drama and refused help.
After load one at Goodwill, I came back and stuffed the car full with load two. I went for the car keys, which had been jammed in my pocket, and – no keys. I lost them. I realized to my horror that the keys had probably somehow gotten entwined with the many piles and boxes. I emptied out everything, shook it out, draped wardrobe all over the driveway. No keys. I put it all back. I searched the house, the toilet, the garage. No keys.
Four hours later, was after the donation center was long closed, I realized what was going on. I sat down on her chair, then her bed. I’m not spiritual or religious, I don’t believe in ghosts. I didn’t get enveloped in any energy force. However I finally understood. It was Mom messing with me, having a last stand about her belongings. She wanted to teach me a lesson about honor and humility. I went back to the car and there, draped on one of hundreds of yarn hangers, were the keys. Now of course I could have missed them the first time, or the second time. I think not.
The gift I received was that I laughed, and remembered she was playful, somewhat vindictive, and always got the last word. You win this round, Mom. I expect a few more surprises before you completely settle down, and I’ll spread your ashes somewhere beautiful. But tomorrow your stuff goes to charity.
